If trust is the new luxury, then maybe love in China is becoming less like a dating game — and more like a social credit system of the heart, scored not by swipes, but by your ex’s latest performance review.
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In most places, an ex is someone you block, archive, or — simply — forget.
In China, she might just be your best dating reference.
The Listings
Somewhere in 2025, a new kind of romantic ritual started circulating on Xiaohongshu (RedNote), China’s lifestyle app. Women began posting their ex-boyfriends like second-hand luxury items up for careful resale:
“High-income. Owns an apartment in Beijing. Mild emotional wear. Broke up due to long distance. Available immediately — serious buyers only.”
It looks like satire. But look a little closer, and it reveals something deeper — a society quietly improvising new rituals for love in an age of algorithm fatigue and emotional burnout.
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Why This Is Happening (But Let’s Leave a Little Mystery)
China has long been what sociologist Fei Xiaotong described as a “familiar-person society” — a place where trust radiates outward like ripples in water. The closer you are to the center, the warmer the connection. The further out you go, the colder — and more suspicious — things become.
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Trust, in this model, is concentrated in an inner circle: family, friends, and the people vouched for by them.
Fast forward to 2025: dating apps feel noisy, unsafe, and deeply transactional. So Gen Z is resurrecting an old cultural instinct — the referral system — but with a distinctly modern twist.
Thanks to social media, China’s referral culture is no longer limited to your immediate network. You can now access referrals from the outer rings — like the ex-girlfriend of a total stranger… who might just be your next boyfriend.
This time, the matchmaker isn’t your aunt.
It’s your ex.
From burnout on blind swiping to China’s economy of trust, this episode explores why “ex-girlfriend endorsements”might actually make more emotional sense than any dating algorithm ever could.
Welcome to the bizarre — and strangely logical — world of the second-hand love market, where an ex isn’t a delete key, but a character reference.
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So Here’s My Question:
Would you ever recommend YOUR ex? Share with us below!
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